Anyway. I came across this thread on 'return to sender'...I had a urge to blog about it...
Having More Than Two Partners Means Too Much Emotional Baggage
by S s
This guy started out messaging me with pleasant conversation, but I knew it was going to turn into a train wreck and sometimes I just want to see where that train wreck goes. He was critical of groups ("nothing but drama"), munches ("you don't need to organize something special to meet someone"), BDSM-based classes ("just perpetuating One True Way") and play parties ("any sub who plays in public is just looking for attention"). His profile was pompous as hell, unrealistically demanding of any potential partner, and while he had high double-digit friends, they were all female switches or subs. Yeah, no red flags here.
I'm going to pick it up where things started to get interesting.
Loser 45M:
I haven't attended any of the local groups' events. Groups are nothing but drama. I have better things to do with my weekends.
Well he's not wrong there, is he?. Where there is a group of people there is 'Drama'. Thats life...
Have you had many play partners? Public or private?
A fair enough question to ask...They had been chatting for a while...
She said-
WTF?
I thought what is there to 'WTF' about? Your guilty of causing drama? Hmmmm? lol
S_S-I've felt nothing but welcome in [group] and never had any problems with people causing drama. ~shrugs~ To each their own, I guess.
Yes. Some people are more group orientated. That does not mean they are right & people not into groups are 'wrong'. Yes "Each to their own"
By the way, what business is it of yours how many people I've played with and whether it's been public or private play?
He was just asking a question, luv...Calm down...Sheesh! Now if he was asking you personal questions about your private life. Then it is none of his business. Not unless he is looking for a long term 24/7 D/s relationship. Then of course he is going to want to ask more personal questions. Like 'Are you married, in a relationship, have got a Dom'...
Loser:
I don't let my subs associate with groups. That would just have to stop if I accepted a sub who was involved with a group. I can't deal with such drama. It ruins a relationship.
Something tells me that he has had experience of drama from a group, lol...I get the not wanting any drama, or groupies having a say about their relationship & play, but. Dom or not. He has no right to dictate to her if she stays in a group or not...
A woman's number of partners directly correlates to her emotional baggage.
That logic applies to men too, matey. In fact. The men may have had more baggage then the woman...It works both ways. That is like saying he is perfect. Women are emotional & have baggage. So NO! interacting with other emotional baggage creators. Aka 'people'
Hmmm! It sounds like someone needs to stop being so narrow minded & controlling & accept that women have past lives. We are not robots. We don't come reprogrammed to serve...{Rolls eyes} Wow! Guess what. We have minds of our own...
Whether she engages in public or private play relates to the amount of attention she needs.
I'm taking it he is looking at the worse case scenario...Again. Putting all women in the same category. Wow! How judgy is he. I enjoy playing at parties. It has nothing to do with attention. A lot to do with being a grown woman with 'Gasp!' A mind of my own & I 'OMFG! enjoy playing in public...
So it is not his thing. Fair enough...
I'm looking for a play partner, not an attention whore.
Oo! Sassy! Though. Yeah. There are attention seekers around. They usually make the most noise, so stand out more. Therefore giving the illusion that all groups are full of attention whores...
NOr do I have the time to undo past doms' training or deal with the triggers they left behind.
Yep! He wants a brain dead robot...After all. subs aren't people, they're just objects there to use & abuse. Undo past Dom's training? OMFG! You nob! I bet he's a bundle of fun. Imagine allowing that near you to screw with your mind...Scary!
I'm tired of having to be so careful with subs because one wrong word out of me and they dissolve into tears right in the middle of a scene.
Really?
Okay! Maybe he needs to look no further then himself & 'GET OVER HIMSELF!!!'...Twat!
Women who have had more than 2 partners in the lifestyle are just too emotionally invested in their past relationships to get over them. They can't commit to a new dom.
Noooo! Us robots. We can't reprogram ourselves. We need a big Dom man to train us to be dumb mindless servants. Just do as we're told. Think? Have an opinion? React to your arrogance?
Heres an idea. Get a doll. They make great life like dolls, to your specifications...Nooo bad habits from bad Dom's training her all wrong. No emotions. No reacting to your arrogant **nt-ness...
She said-To the fellow return to sender peeps...
I have to wonder what he did to upset people in some group somewhere, besides maybe being a misogynistic douchebag.
What he did? He behaved like a arrogant, pompous A hole 'douchebag'
S_So- I'm going to ignore the fact you're assuming without asking that I'm interested in you because I'd really like to know more about this "attention-seeking whore with emotional baggage" hypothesis of yours.
Lol!...Me too...I'm intrigued...
You seem to assume that women play at parties because they are exhibitionists, not for other reasons. I play at parties because it's the one chance I have to play with a friend of mine and because there's equipment at parties that I just don't have in my house.
Yep! Me too...Or maybe I'm just an attention whore, lol...
I accept that I'm probably going to be watched, but I do not get all turned on by that fact. When I'm playing, I'm concentrating on my partner, not my surroundings.
Me too...Though I don't mind people watching me if they are discreet about it. Not standing there in a group with other blokes. That is off putting. What do they need binoculars? Sheesh!
We're all adults doing our own thing, though. Not attention whores...
You do realize that not every sub you encounter is going to have some kind of bad past that has resulted in triggers.
Maybe a few of your past subs, have got emotional baggage caused by being emotionally bullied by you, mate! Just saying. That is life...Grow up!
That's just ridiculous. While there are abusive types out there in the kinky world, they're not lurking around every corner ruining every female sub by emotionally traumatizing them.
Nope! They just stand out more. In reality there is more decent sane blokes, then the mentally screwed, with women issues...Mind you there are quite a few blokes who are not interested in getting to know a sub as a person. They go straight for the 'are we going to meet?'...
By the same token, not everyone is going to leave every relationship they have with so much emotional baggage that functioning in a future relationship is well-nigh impossible.
Yes. We don't all have emotional 'health issues'. Though some like to spread that as malicious, vindictive gossip...
Nobody would be able to pair off with anyone else if that was the case.
They would be in a psych ward...Just saying...
It sounds more like you're having problems with your subs actually having a sexual past.
It sounds to me like he has mummy issues & may have been laughed at by some girls at some time...There are men who are very narrow minded when it comes to women. We are too emotional. Bitchy. **nts, you name it, they judge us as being it...
I must also ask about men. How many partners have you had? How has it affected your emotional well being?
Yeah! Exactly. It works both ways...We are your equal. We are your peers. Just because you gave yourself the title 'Dom', does not mean you have the right to disrespect women & behave like a arrogant Jerk. Then if we object to your dysfunctional behavior, we are 'emotional'...Hmmm!
Does a potential sub have to worry about habits you've picked up from past subs?
Yep!
Are you going to have to retrain yourself every time you get a new partner because of negative emotions?
Yeah?
Should a sub give up on a needed kink because her dom gets all choked up over memories of a past sub when he performs it?
Hmmm???? lol...
Loser:-That is a misinformed view. It's not a dom's job to totally re-learn how to dom every time he switches subs.
Okay! Obviously has got a god complex...
It's the sub's job to learn what the dom wants so she can adapt herself to it with the least amount of drama possible.
Ohhhh! Myyyy! Gosh! This bloke is a piece of work, isn't he...Wow! What a catch...Adjust to please Mister self centred 'Jerk'...subs must be bitch fighting over him. To serve him...NOT!
The D/s relationship is not about the sub's needs, but the sub's willingness to sacrifice those needs to make sure her dom's every want is met.
...Is this BDSM? I'll stick to being a spankee, thank you very much....
As she said {Below}
And here I was thinking relationships, even D/s ones, meant each partner's' needs were being met. Silly me.
Hmmm! Yess! That is how most women see it. Unfortunately we have to sift through the male chauvinist pigs...to find a descent sane Dom...
S_S- Uh, sure. You just run with those views now. I'm sure you're going to have altruistic virgins knocking down your door to be the ultimate sub for you.
Lol! Well said...
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