It is amazing how much you can learn when you open your eyes & look. I'm online so opening my ears won't work, lol...
Anyway. First I found a group on Fetlife. Called 'Return to sender'. It is basically a group to air all the crappy messages you get from knob heads. Heres me thinking 'Am I the only one?' 'Is it me, because I don't fit in?'. It seems not. There are lots of women {Probably men too} who receive uncalled for rude, ignorant, bullying, argumentative messages...
Probably the time wasters who have no intention of ever meeting a woman for real play. They just get off on being abusive, A holes. They are probably just sad, pathetic, screwed up tossers, with mummy issues, or they was bullied at school by girls, so to them all girls & women are bitches, or cunts as quite a few of these low lifes seem to be using lately...Though I have not been called a bitch or a cunt just yet, there is still time, lol...
As I was saying. The group. It has been a real eye opener. So. From now on. If I have the misfortune of having to deal with some 'dick' I can air it in the group 'Return to sender'. I am not alone. It is not me, my personality that brings out the tossers. The tossers send their bullying messages to other women as well...
The thought of sifting through the £$%$ does make me wonder why I am bothering, but knowing I am not alone does give me the incentive to keep on sifting, I'll just get out the air freshener, lol. The thing is. Sometimes. Because of the ignorant, rude little tossers, you end up being extra wary, extra vigilant. I want to play in my own home, but why would I want to risk allowing some tosser into my home...
After browsing through Fetlife. I went for a nose in Bs...I had another eye opener...Someone who I consider one of the bullying bitches in Bs...Well I take some of it back...She started a thread in Bs. What she wrote is a lot of how I feel about DD...
DD/Domestic DisciplineSee. When you open your eyes & look past the so called glaringly obvious, you learn something new. Learn something which can change your perception of that person or what is going on around you & not just to you...
Rather than hijack a current thread where the issue of DD has been raised, i thought i'd open this thread and see where it takes us.
I shall start with my own feelings about DD but should explain i have no personal experience of such a structured play arrangement.
To me, DD is problematical because as i understand it, the one receiving the DD has a regime of punishments where they fail to meet agreed standards or where they behave opposite to an agreed commitment. I question the fairness of this - what happens to the Disciplinarian when they mess up? What sanctions are levelled against them for the occasions they fail to maintain their agreed standards or attainment or behaviour?
I'm a very black and white person, i realise but all the same, given that we all mess up at times, i dont see it as right if one half of a partnership is punished when the other half is not. I accept that in DD, one half of the pair wants and enjoys the discipline (usually in CP format but not always, of course) and i guess the other person likes dishing it out but not receiving it.
It's all too close to abuse or exploitation or bullying, to my way of thinking.
I should state that my personality does not react well to any genuine attempt at punishment if i fail in any way. That's because i am already so hard on myself that i need positive support, not what i see as negative reactions. Regardless of anything said or done to me, i am already well ahead of everyone else in condemnation of myself. Adding to that would shove me towards a dark place and obviously that is to be avoided at all costs.
But that's just me.
It's just that i have encountered too many men in the chatroom who seem to actively need to seek someone they can 'punish'. They want DD so they can punish and their whole mindset seems to be focussed on that and not on encouraging their prospective partner to be more successful. I see them as bullies looking for a victim.
OK, that's my opinion and i always value the opinions of others so i can listen, learn, debate and discuss.
Thank you.
b
She wrote this as well...Which I can also relate to...
Today in the chatroom i got to talking in private with a fellow who seemed very nice, very balanced and very interesting.
However, later in our chat he asked would i be prepared to accept a spanking from him if he felt i had been cheeky - we'd been discussing my personal take on bratting and inviting play - and he gave me a scenario to consider, where we'd been out for a meal and i stepped out of line.
My answer was, had i deliberately stepped over and agreed line or had chosen to brat in some way, then the threatened spanking would be eagerly anticipated by me.
Unfortunately, he wanted to know would i accept being spanked even if he *felt* i had been cheeky even if i hadn't meant it or was sorry if i'd been taken as cheeky when i hadn't intended any such thing.
I said that, no, i wouldn't be happy with that because it would be unfair and would make me sad.
His answer was to tell me i was not a 'naughty girl, nor a sub' but had switch tendencies and wanted control.
To me, he underlines everything i dislike about DD, based of course on my own experiences.
This man wanted to punish even where doubt as to intent existed. He wanted to be able to punish even if it was based on his perception of intent - he told me flatly that if he considered cheekiness had occurred (using the scenario he offered) then a spanking was an absolute, non-negotiable and final.
He is, to me, nothing more than an insecure bully. And all the time people like him hide behind the HoH or DD title, then girls who get involved with them are at risk from being unjustly spanked at best and from gradually being bullied and demeaned at worst.
Hmmm! Not a real sub. I love that accusation...NOT! Switch tendencies? I'd say that a bloke with that attitude is not a real Dom. Anyway. Like in a journal I read on Fetlife...Is there even a 'real' sub, Dom, switch, w/e...Aren't we all just 'real people' We're not just a bottom, or right hand. Not just a scenario. A character in a role play, in someones fantasy...Real life does apply...
b
The thing is. How I see it. Surely the whole point is you both want to play. So why just wait for a so called misdeed. Why not just spank the lady because you are both into spanking, both get pleasure from the spanking. I do find blokes who have that attitude, irritating...Personally. I believe the majority of women in the spanking scene feel that way. This is probably why so many blokes feel it is a struggle to find a sub...
I agree with S's comment...S is a man, by the way...
B a switch??
Just shows how much one needs to meet people in real life to form a view of what they are really like.
And that works both ways - there are certainly some bullies out there.
I worry about some people who claim they are submissive in a DD relationship. It tends to be indicative of an unduly low self-esteem and whilst people in that frame of mind generally need help rather than abuse, they are also unlikely to take any advice which might be offered by friends who have their best interests at heart.
It's one thing to "punish" somebody for a perceived transgression, where both parties are using it as an excuse for play, or for an actual transgression where a remorseful sub feels it is warranted and views it as a release. However I cannot see any justification for an actual punishment where there is no agreement that any "offence" exists. One party might take all the decisions, but it would be extremely selfish not to give due weight to the wishes and interests of the other. Perhaps it's none of my business, I but am not convinced that such relationships are genuinely consensual. There are those who say they are in a good DD relationship, but to my mind ALL sound relationships require BOTH parties to consider each other if they are to be successful.
I don't see it as relevant whether or not the top gets spanked. Personally I have always felt that I would be a bully if I were not prepared to take anything I'm willing to dish out. But let's face it, the majority of the population don't want to be spanked and it's not surprising that includes a good many tops.
Gotta go..............
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