I Despair!

You are not a Dominant, you are a manipulative abuser!

Journal Entry  Written By Precious87

Please be on your guard. This person is from the Essex area!

I will beware...Mind you I think I am probably too spankee for him, lol...

Recently I was owned by a Dominant. One who said he could give me the things I needed and craved. We had met up previously for a social drink and really hit it off. We had a great connection and similar interests and so we decided to start a relationship where I was His. I was so excited to start a new journey and trusted him implicitly. How wrong I was.

Good for her...Though I am not into being owned by anyone...So I'm not likely to meet him in the first place...

He would message me daily, giving me little tasks here and there and asking to send certain pictures. I didn't have a problem with this although some I was a little uncomfortable with, but I still did it. I never received a 'good girl' or 'thank you', but I thought maybe this was just 'his way.' I wanted to please him.

Ummm! Is that how he thinks you Dom your subbie property? If I met a bloke & he started sending me 'tasks'. I would be sending him a few tasks of my own. One being take your phone &....................................................You get the jist, lol...

We arranged to play and he told me what he wanted me to wear and what was expected of me. Limits were discussed and safe words were arranged.

Ummm! I am not into being told what to wear. I wear the clothes I want to wear...but...then again I don't do the whole 'Master!' slave thing..."Each to their own" with the right person, but when it starts to screw with the sub/slaves mind. That is emotional abuse. No one has a right to screw up another persons mind...It is supposed to be 'Kinky play', not mental abuse, FFS!

The first play went really well and was everything I expected and more, but as I lay there in subspace afterwards he just got up really quickly and said 'come on, you coming for a ciggie'. I just wanted to relax but he had been called back to work so there was no time for after care, no cuddles, just a quick kiss and that was it. I let it slide because obviously his job comes first and I understood.

I didn't receive any message until the next day. This wasn't a 'how are you feeling?' He just wanted me to send him a picture of the marks and bruises he had left. I just thought he must be busy and left him to it.

Gawd!

He became really quiet for a few days and I thought I had done something wrong. I felt like a complete let down and a failure, but then the messages started again and this time he was telling me how much he cared for me and that he could see himself falling in love with me. I really thought that this would be something special.

Hmmm! So basically he assumed that is what she wanted to hear...'Manipulation'...I can't be doing with insincere manipulative smarmy gits! Just be honest, FFS! Just behave like a decent human being. She is a real person, not your property, mate!

About another week passed and another play was arranged. Again another extremely hard play, mostly breath play and some really heavy impact play. He was caning my breasts and caught me wrong. Hit right across my shoulder and immediately it came up in a large lump and bruising. He did apologize but kind of laughed it off. Mistakes happen during impact play and I am aware that yes you can be caught wrong, so I totally understood this and told him not to worry. After this play he lay with me while I was in sub space stroking my hair and tickling my back. It was bliss.

Then came the silence again. Fewer texts. Not even one to just check in on how I was. Just more demands and pictures of his 'marks'. I know I really should have twigged by now but once again he would message me telling me how much he cared for me and wanted me.

Hmmm!

He started using blackmail and telling me that the only way I was going to earn a collar would be to let him 'fuck another woman in front of me'. I told him that would never happen and he knew this before we decided to start a relationship. He did in the end say he would forget about it but moved on to ask me for something else which is a hard limit for me. He made me feel guilty and told me I had no choice. My body was his to use and abuse as he wished. I made it clear that this was never going to happen and stood my ground.

Hmmm! Sooo! Tell her he could fall in love with her. Then tell her to earn a collar...What a manipulative, A hole...He owns her? but she has to earn a collar...Wow! How to screw up your mind & end up needing medication. Get involved with a Douche bag...

Another couple of weeks passed and fewer messages were being sent but he told me he was really busy at work and I didn't want to pester him. I mean we all have a life outside of kink and I understood that.

We had arranged another day for him to come over and he told me what he had expected me to wear. I didn't do as I was told. I was in a bratty and playful mood. This ended up in the hardest play I had ever had. Tied so I couldn't move and taking my punishment. Some punches were thrown. I had never done needle play but it is always something I have been curious about and we had discussed. I saw him take a needle out of the packaging and as he came over to me my heart was pounding. He placed his hand over my mouth and pushed the needle straight though my nipple underneath my piercing. I have never screamed so loud in all my life and by the end I was almost in tears. I lay on the bed after play in a world of my own but again he had to go. So no time for after care but he told me he would be back tomorrow and would stay the night. I was a bit let down but excited at the thought of spending the night with him after my punishment.

Hmmm! Now that is abuse. What right has that piece of scum got to punish her that way for something so trivial. Maybe someone should tie him down & stick a needle through his cock...

How to screw up your mind. Carry on allowing scum like that to abuse you for wearing something you want to wear...I don't get it? No. I don't get why a person would want to hurt another person just to get off...I think it is disgusting...Why. As a woman. Would you allow some near stranger you met online, to screw with your mind & psychically abuse you? FFS! steer clear of the scum bags...

I heard nothing more from him. Just one message the next day to say he was still coming that night. Then nothing. I felt totally let down and worthless. Questioning myself and what I had done wrong. I began to get angry that I was allowing him to pick me up and drop me as and when he wished. So I messaged him and told him not to bother coming. I could see he had been online and read my messages but he hadn't replied. Four days passed and nothing and then Monday morning came the text that he had been in a car accident on the A12 and had shattered his collarbone and was in hospital. He made me feel awful for doubting him. My heart sank. I had been awful and a complete bitch to him. So immediately I apologized. Almost begged in fact for him to forgive me. I told him that I would go and see him on my day off work and asked what ward he was on. He told me and I thought at least I can see him and apologize in person to him.

He had manipulated me and lied to me. The hospital had no record of him ever being admitted. I felt like such a fool. Maybe that's what he wanted. I don't know anymore.

Hmmm! Not good...but..."Karma!"...What goes around comes around...Lets hope the twat really ends up in an accident...Oops! My witch is showing, lol...